He's Not Here
by Fiyeraaron
Summary: He can't even explain it himself; that's how messed up he feels. She's broken him.


He doesn't understand the situation until his friends explain it to him. And by then it's already too late.

* * *

He had met her at the office. She was meeting his coworker, Marius, when he had foolishly bumped into her. Embarrassed, he had hurriedly righted himself and smiled at her.

"I'm sorry."

She grinned at him and, even from that first smile, he knew he was a goner.

* * *

It was unexpected to say the least. Well, he hadn't planned for her to come home with him that night after coffee, and he hadn't expected for her to spend the night with him in his room. In hindsight, she was always full of surprises.

* * *

He invited her to a party, only to find out that she was already going. It was Courfeyrac's birthday, and she already knew him (something about Courfeyrac tutoring her younger brother).

She looked stunning. Her black dress was perfect, and he was happy to see that she got along with everybody. Laughing and grinning constantly, he had never been happier to introduce his friends to such an amazing girl, even if some of them already knew her.

To be fair, he probably could have seen the signs, but back then his eyes were only for her and he somehow managed to block out everything else.

* * *

Courfeyrac, Joly, and Jehan told him he was in love. He knows now that he was in love with her from the start, but after three months of bringing her to all of his meetings and calling her every night, he finally admitted it.

He asks her to be his girlfriend one night. He's nervous, obviously, and the way her dark eyes reflect the moon isn't helping the situation at all. He watches her as she stares at the stars (she had suggested a picnic, so he thought that maybe she felt the same way he did), and he wonders to himself how he could have survived his whole life without knowing this woman.

She says yes; hugs him, kisses him. He can't stop smiling the entire night, and his friends give him a thumbs up the next day when they see the couple walk in together.

If he was being honest, he did see the fake smile, and the lack of conversation was significant. But that wasn't unexpected from his friend, so he didn't pay much attention.

He probably should have.

* * *

Cosette and Marius get married a few weeks later. They kind of spring it on the group, giving them only a month to prepare. They say they only want a small wedding, but the outcome is anything but little.

She is his date, and, as a groomsman and she a bridesmaid, they get to walk down the aisle together. It's cute, and he can't help but imagine _her_ in a white dress with a bouquet of flowers in her hands.

The bachelor party the night before, led by Courfeyrac, of course, was crazy. Courfeyrac somehow convinced him to drink, and he regrets it the morning after, but he very rarely drinks so he figured it could be fun. He can't remember most of it, but he distinctly recalls calling her and being sent to her answering machine after three rings. He knows she must have ignored the call because she _never _has her phone turned off. But he's pathetic and scared, so he doesn't ask her about it when he next sees her.

The wedding is beautiful. Cosette looks amazing, Marius is as dumbfounded as always, and the guest list reaches two hundred (so much for 'small'). He throws petals, she catches the bouquet, and his friends act as though nothing is wrong.

She daydreams all day, and their conversations are limited and basic. Later, when they reluctantly dance together, he can't help but feel like somebody is watching them.

* * *

He gets worried when she doesn't return his phone calls on a Saturday night. They weren't supposed to be meeting, but he _knows_ that she isn't working, and he _knows_ that Courfeyrac has Gavroche.

So he goes around to Courfeyrac's.

"Have you seen Éponine?"

"You're Éponine's boyfriend."

The young boy lifts his head to him, and he takes in how different he looks to his sister. They're obviously in the middle of a tutoring session, but his mind is going insane with all the possibilities, so he has to intrude.

"Yes, I am." He lifts his chin higher, and turns to Courfeyrac. "Have you seen Éponine?"

Courfeyrac just shakes his head.

When he confronts Courfeyrac about his regular lies in about seven months time, all the man can do is say 'I'm sorry'.

* * *

She pushes him away, then reels him back in. Leaves him hanging for days on end, then shows up at his house unexpectedly. It's a torture he has learnt to love, and he tells her one night when she's underneath him.

"I love you."

Her erratic breathing slows down, and her body stills, tensing beneath him. He kisses her neck, and lifts his head to look into her eyes.

Her eyes are glazed over, and she is silent. Even when he rolls over and pulls on his boxers, she doesn't say anything.

She falls asleep on the opposite side of the bed, and he doesn't dare reach out and touch her.

If he had known what she was thinking, he would have grabbed her and held onto her for dear life as he cried his heart out to her. But she gave nothing away, and all he could do was wait.

* * *

She shows up at his house after a three day break with a black eye. He cares for her, asks her how it happened. Her only answer is that it happened in a bar. Some guy was hitting on her, and there was a fight as some brave hero tried to defend her (she says 'brave hero' sarcastically, and he smiles). She tried to intervene, and the guy with the terrible pick up lines apparently back handed her.

She says it was an accident, and the determination in her eyes makes him not question it. He knows she's telling the truth, so he smiles again and stays silent.

When she's on top of him that night, he sees a mark that he didn't leave just below her left ear, and he has to close his eyes to convince himself that it isn't there.

He sees the smirks as he holds her hand at their meetings. He sees the bloodied knuckles as his best friend reaches for the letters. It's like they don't even try to hide their laughter when they see him walk through the door.

He's struggling to hold on to her.

* * *

Grantaire has a party. It's nothing much, just their group and a few of his friends from the gallery. She flirts with everyone, and he wonders if she still knows that he calls her his girlfriend.

She giggles, playfully slaps, dances with everyone but him. His eyes narrow when he sees her talk to his best friend. But he can see the man's eyes flicker to his, and he watches as the man's already stony face contorts into anger. As he storms off, he watches his girlfriend stare at the back door. He doesn't dare move, and he's pretty sure Courfeyrac (who he was supposed to be having a conversation with) is watching too.

He's helpless as she follows the man into the back garden, but he's good at acting, so he turns to Courfeyrac and continues their conversation.

* * *

He can't help but compare himself to his best friend. He's perfect for her, and as he lays there that night, he hates himself. Hates himself for loving her, hates himself for wanting her even now, hates himself for buying that stupid ring in his bedside cabinet.

If he had known where she was, he probably would have thrown the ring in the bin. But back then he was too far gone, too caught up in her love to even try and contradict her actions.

* * *

She tells him that she loves him the next day. She tells him in the middle of a meeting. He's in the middle of writing a very important letter to another group's leader, when she sneaks up behind him. Hugging him from behind, she speaks into his ear, loud enough for everyone to hear due to the heavy concentration and silence of the group, but only for him.

He would have looked around and seen his friend's reaction, surely it would have delighted his sadistic and selfish side, but his happiness was too overpowering, so he just turns and kisses her. He usually hates PDA, but he thinks this is a special occasion, so he lets her slip him the tongue.

* * *

"Will you marry me?"

Her birthday party, his house, just their group all crowded into his small living room. Balloons scattered everywhere, he told nobody about his plan.

It's serious, he gets that. And he understands that they don't have proper jobs yet, but he knows that they are happy together, knows they can make a life out of their relationship.

There is silence as everybody turns to her and waits for a reply. Knelt on the floor, he swallows, his worry increasing.

He tries to watch the process on her face, but, as usual, he cannot read her. So he waits.

He watches as her eyes flick to something above him, but he daren't look, staring determinedly at her. Her face breaks into a smile as she lets her gaze settle on his again, and she nods her head.

"Yes! Oh my god, yes!" She laughs as he picks her up and hugs her.

His friends are silent for a while, until Grantaire starts clapping, when everyone joins in. Most offer their congratulations, some smile and give him a thumbs up, one leaves straight away. He does leave a present on the table though, and he desperately wants to hide it from her, convince her that he left nothing, that he doesn't care about her.

But that doesn't matter anymore, because they're getting married. Everything is alright.

* * *

It isn't.

There is a deadly silence at the next meeting. He tries to start a speech, tries to get them riled up, but to no avail. He tries to act as though his best friend isn't missing, but everybody else is focusing on it.

She should have shown up at seven. At eight o clock, he calls her. It cuts off on the fourth ring.

* * *

She's a surprisingly good actress. She continues to tell him that she loves him, while its obvious she doesn't. He's accepted it now. He just can't bring himself to break up with her.

* * *

So she does it for him. She leaves him a note, her ring on top. He doesn't leave the house for three days.

* * *

Courfeyrac comes to see him on the second day.

"I'm so sorry."

He scratches his newly forming beard, his eyes blurry from lack of sleep. "You knew."

Courfeyrac nods. "We all knew."

He just nods. He did know, he just couldn't do anything about it.

"Is she happier with him?" His voice comes out deeper than expected.

Courfeyrac gives him an exasperated look. "You know I'm not going to answer that question. Ask her yourself."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I can't see them together."

Silence.

Courfeyrac breaks it. "Come to the next meeting. The group needs-"

"No, no, I can't see them together. I can't."

"You're going to have to."

Courfeyrac leaves.

He thinks about them together. He saw it happening, he just didn't dare call them on it.

He always was determined. If he wanted to do something, he always could. If he wanted something, he'd always get it. Now that he wants a relationship, he can't seem to hold onto it for long enough.

* * *

He does manage to see them together. It's not as bad as he thought.

They do suit each other well. Her brown straight hair and his blond curly hair contrast nicely, and her dark colours go nicely with his bright reds. His own floppy mousy brown hair and glasses made her call him adorable, but he figures that his best friend's bright eyes and determined voice won her over.

He was no match for Enjolras, never was and never will be.

* * *

**I have loads of fics that I haveng uploaded for some reason. Hope you enjoyed it! Please review, it makes my day! **


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